Helen vs. Zombies

I have been having dreams about zombies for a long long time. I think I had them before I watched any zombie movies or even knew much about zombies. Maybe I was just dreaming about people chasing me.

People who hungered for my delicious brains.

Anyways, I am remembering this now do to a massive crazy zombie apocalypse dream that I had last night after a fun fun round of insomnia madness. This zombie dream was a bit different. First of all, I was with my family and we were in a car. Unfortunately, these zombies were fairly intelligent and could do things like drive cars (badly) and ride bikes. There was also this one super zombie guy that could run REALLY FAST and almost caught us before giving up. There were also zombie children, but they seemed to only be interested in McDonald's chicken McNuggets.

 I guess some things about childhood never change.

This got me thinking. If it came down to Helen vs. zombies, how much of a chance would I have?

Why I Might Survive:

1. I can fit into tight spaces that are inaccessible to the larger undead
2. I could befriend stronger people who could protect me.
3. My roommate has an awesome car and could probably protect me.
4. I am blond, so if this was a zombie movie, I would make it about halfway through at least, right?
5. I'M TOO AWESOME TO DIE!

Why I Would Probably Die:

1. I can't shoot
2. I have the upper arm strength of a spaghetti noodle.
3. I do stupid things when I panic
4. My screaming about the zombies that were after me would doubtless attract more zombies
5. My endurance is bad
6. I am blond, so I will probably die in the penultimate showdown. Where's that hair dye?...
7. I'M TOO AWESOME TO LIVE!

Shout-out to all those who are crazy zombie fans. Zombies are infinity times cooler than sparkly vegetarian vampires.

ModernHelen