Dear Universe part 1

Hey everybody! I am finally done with finals, back home, and ready to blog like a college student at Christmas (which I am...). I decided to do one of those things were you write a series of letters to people, inanimate objects, and concepts that will never ever write letters back.

Just for funnsies.



Dear Insomnia,

I hate you. You are a big fat jerk and you make me feel like a crazy person. If I could beat you to death with some kind of improvised medieval siege weapon, I would.

ModernHelen



Dear Chocolate

I love you. You make everything in the entire planet shiny and magical. However, I think that you should stop selling out to the oranges. Chocolate and orange is a waste of good chocolate. You should be ashamed of yourself.

ModernHelen



Dear Synethesia,

I do not appreciate seeing bright flashes of light when I hear loud sounds. You auditory and visual neurons need to get together and work things out amongst yourselves.

ModernHelen


Dear College Cafeteria,

Fried okra is not a vegetable.

ModernHelen


Dear Dracula,

What do you think of Twilight?

ModernHelen


Dear Government of the United States of America,

I do not like you. I have not liked you since you took MY money from me when I had a job in a dinner theatre when I was seven. The vast majority of Americans does not like you because you take too much money. Has it occurred to you that perhaps you should DECREASE the budget deficit?

ModernHelen



Dear Batman,

Please KILL the joker. Seriously. He breaks out a jail and kills/threatens/maims a bunch of people, and you just put him right back into jail. And then the cycle repeats.

ModernHelen



Dear Phantom of the Opera,

Kidnapping is not the way to a woman's heart. I suggest chocolates, shiny things, and being less of a namby-pamby than Raoul. It should not be particularly difficult.

ModernHelen



Dear Clothing Company,

WHY do you not make clothes for me? Is there some sort of law that all short people are either grossly over weight or the size of a ten year old child? I am a woman with curves! Make me some damn* pants that fit!!

ModernHelen



Dear Universe,

What is the meaning of life?

ModernHelen


Dear ModernHelen

That would be telling.

The Universe



That was fun! I will probably do this again, so consider yourselves warned. Also, I promise to start blogging regularly now that I am home again!

ModernHelen


*I feel that this expletive is vital as it adds to the strength of my rage against the clothing company.