Why cursive is stupid and handwriting is obsolete

I remember well the days of elementary school. I was a small emotionally unstable child who got good grades in pretty much everything.

Except for handwriting and/or cursive.

Learning cursive felt like a punishment from God. I think that Dante left it out in his inferno. It is definitely in one of the rings of hell.

Probably the one at the very center.

Anyways, cursive was basically something that you learn in third or fourth grade and then never use again, unless you like calligraphy or are a glutton for punishment or something. I honestly do not get cursive. It isn't even that easy to read, and it makes my hand cramp to move my pencil in all those stupid look-at-me-I'm-a-magnificent-showoff loops. And handwriting: who cares how bad your handwriting is as long as you can read it, and it is marginally legible on tests? Thanks to the magnificent bounty of technology, we type everything up anyway.

I know there are a few of you who are proud of your sickeningly beautiful handwriting. Good for you. I guess you did not have enough love as a child and were forced to pour all of your heart into creating perfectly rounded "o" s and exactly perpendicular "l"s. Good luck finding a spouse who can stand your creepily exact script.

But, here is my ultimate vindication. The ACT* has a place where you basically have to write " I promise that I didn't cheat, and if I ever tell anyone about this test you can take my kneecaps and my gerbil, if I have one" IN CURSIVE. And you know what? It takes twenty minutes because no one has used cursive since childhood, and that time is kinda fuzzy. WE ALL FAKE IT.

So HAHAHAHA 3rd and 4th grade cursive! Even when I was a small hyperactive child I knew that you were stupid and useless.

* The ACT is an assessment test high school kids take for college, in case you didn't already know that**

**If you didn't know that, you are clearly living in your own little box, and I envy you. There isn't room for cursive in a box...

ModernHelen