Have you ever noticed that everyone is so darn self-righteous? Have you watched with fascination as their faces reddened, cringed beneath the force of their rhetoric, and dodged their spittle of indignation? Well, you can be self-righteous too! Simply follow these easy steps...
1. Practice your self-righteous face and voice
-remember to use emphatic gestures and BIG words
-the more annoying your voice gets, the more you win!
-add in phrases like "I'm no expert but..." or "Anyone with sense can see..."
2. Forget all the rules of polite conversation
-this isn't about talking to someone! It's about talking at someone
-bonus points if you prove the other person wrong or send them away in tears
3. Find a topic to be self-righteous about
-this is the fun and easy part! You don't even have to know what you are talking about!
-remember, your topic should be unimportant and/or not applicable to you
-scientific terms (make them up if you have to) will confuse people and give you VICTORY
4. Find some people to unleash your self-righteous fury on
-small children and the elderly are good targets
-DO NOT take on lawyers; they know a lot of big words. They also know some Latin words and are fluent in legalese. They will win.
5. Let your self-righteous fury shine
ex: "I'm no expert but you, sir, are an imbecilic baboon-man if you doubt the rights of the sea-slug, also known as the Seacus Awesomeus Slugucus! I will rail against you until part of your soul withers away and you go cry like the baboon-man that you are!"
ModernHelen
ps: Thank you so much to my three subscribers! You guys are awesome. I feel really special. I'll try to keep being funny and/or strange. Feel free to comment!
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