Today I was a big girl and I took the garbage out ALL BY MYSELF. There should be a parade with seventy-six trombones.
My roommate, Ashley (who is awesome by the way) was all like "Do you want me to come with you to make sure you don't get kidnapped?"
I wittily replied: "I smell like sweat and garbage. Nobody's going to kidnap me! (I smell like sweat because I went to the gym. Girls sweat when they workout. Unless they have botox in their sweat glands...)."
I think it is an awesomely true statement. I have my banged-up glasses on and my hair is a mess. My breathe smells like ice cream. My hair is exploding in wisps because of the humidity. And I smell like sweat. And garbage. There is also a massive zit on my forehead.
I don't know much about kidnapping logic, but I would not kidnap me if I saw me looking like that!
Ashley has just pointed out that hobos smell like sweat and garbage too.
...
Maybe it isn't so safe after all...
ModernHelen
Ps: I am sorry if I offended anyone by making light of a serious issue. Kidnapping is not funny and must be stopped.
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