Hey people! I am officially OLD. I will not tell you how old because you might use that information to track me down and kill me horribly.
My real birthday celebration was yesterday, so today was a bit of a let down. Yesterday there was happy-hour sushi goodness, and today I had to write a paper.
Actually, I am not convinced that this next year is going to go well. It did not have a very fortuitous beginning. And, true to how my brain operates, I am going to give you a list of reasons why this was not a fortuitous day and my next year is going to full of sadness and despair.
1. My traitorous friends composed a story in which I DIED.
2. At midnight, they all sang Happy Birthday and it was very very out of tune. I mean, whenever a non-choir group of people sings happy birthday, it tends to be out of tune. But this was much more eerily out of tune than usual.
3. This morning, approximately an hour after the time at which I officially made my screaming entrance into this world, I spilled milk spectacularly on the carpet. The dorm does not have carpet cleaner for some unknown reason. I would have thought that all the partiers might need it to clean up the spoils of last night's drunken fest, but apparently not. So, I had to use soap and furious scrubbing and dabbing (yes, dabbing can be furious) to try to get the stuff up. And, because I am paranoid, I used three different kinds of soap and scrubbed at the same carpet spot for about thirty minutes throughout the day. If the carpet smells like rotten milk I may cry.
4. Hey! As I was typing it occurred to me that this event could be considered an offering, a libation if you will, to the ancient pagan gods and the ghosts of the dead. Granted, they usually prefer beer, wine, or blood, but I think that milk is probably acceptable. It is delicious. So, maybe I have in fact gained awesomeness, and number three does not count as a bad sign. So, back to:
3(the real one). I slammed by hand into my bedpost creating a bruise in the exact place that hosted a bruise just days ago. I honestly cannot seem to stop hurting my poor defenseless hands.
4. I had to write a freaking paper! Granted, once I stopped stewing in the fact that I had to write the thing it only took and hour and a half to compose and edit. But the principle of the thing!
5. I ate too much sugar today. This made me into a paranoid person who believed that several people and things were out to get me. I felt isolated and alone in the world...
6. The media library closed a measly two minutes before I managed to get there. CURSES!
7. The caf served disgusting food for dinner, so I am probably going to have more sugar....
8. Then I will not sleep and the disaster foretold by the inauspicious events that occurred today will come to pass as I rise, as one of the living dead, seeking caffeine, visual stimulation, and showers.
ModernHelen
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