Things that I want to Exist

I would like to announce a few things. I have decided that in the summer I will create another blog under the same account. It will be an educational blog in which I educate all of you people about whatever I find interesting this summer. If you don't like being edumacated, this blog will still be around being all LAME and SILLY.

Also, I am going to go back to do multiple posts a week when summer starts and I have time again. *Listens to the sound of the cheering adoring fans*.

Finally, I wanted to announce that I have a tumblr account. The user name is also modernhelen, so you can follow me there if you want. There is occasionally going to be an overlap in info from these two accounts. But be warned. If you are a creepy stalker person then I will totally block you.

I have been thinking about things lately. Specifically, I have been thinking about things that I want to exist. Enjoy my list.

1. Chairs, benches, and various other furniture items that do not destroy my back when I sit on them. I am a short person and apparently short people are not allowed to be comfortable which is prejudice. My conclusion is that furniture manufacturers are prejudice and I should probably sick the Government of America on them.

2. A wristband that makes warning sounds when you are around dangerous people so that you have time to run away before they throw you into their kidnapper van and drive away. Unfortunately, this would not work very well at college because we are all very young, crazy, and immature. Therefore, we are all dangerous.

3. A toaster that is legal for dorm use. I think that toasters should be designed so that they do not have the potential hazard of exploding* and therefore destroying the entire dorm and killing people. NASA should get on that. It's not like they have anything better to do.

4. Motorcycles that you don't die on. Seriously. Can't we make less deadly motorcycles?

5. Pants that fit me. I am so tired of pants not fitting me. I am also tired of shirts not fitting me. Apparently if you are short you can either be: a) completely flat and curve-less or b) fat. You are not allowed to be a curvy short person. You know what clothing people? Why don't you take it up with God! I EXIST AND I WANT SOME DAMN PANTS!

6. Hair dye that dyed your hair as the roots came in. How great would this be?

7. Magic. I want it. I am tired of living like a muggle. I am a Ravenclaw on the inside, and I want science to give me magical powers. Also, if I had magic powers I could magic my clothes clean and I wouldn't have to deal with the washers and dryers that are destroying my clothing.

And if anyone can somehow procure an item on this list for me I will give him... well, I actually don't have anything right now besides miniature Milkyway bars and coffee, but he can have some of that.
Unless he's a stalker. BEWARE Internet stalkers. I am about 50% more deadly than I look.

ModernHelen

ps: there will be a blog about stingrays soon!!! I can't decide whether to put it on this blog or on the educational blog thing. I will probably draw cartoon stingrays and then put it on BOTH like a BOSS.

*I am aware that toasters do not typically explode. This is for he sake of DRAMA.