The scariest movies I didn't see

I was going to write about scary movies that I did see, but I thought this might be more entertaining.

1. The Hannah Montana Movie (or, whatever it was called..): Technically, I have seen bits and pieces of the movie. What I saw terrified me. Who is this unprofessional young woman warping the minds of young girls everywhere with her impossible and outlandish dilemmas? Why is she pulling such cruel pranks on people? Where the heck is any sort of parental discipline? And, most importantly, does this alter-ego thing mean that dissociative mental states are okay?

2. The Saw movies: Why would you want to watch people die horribly for several hours? I mean, does Jimmy Jo-Average just get his average friends together and say "Lols! Let's watch this movie where everybody DIES HORRIBLY. Then, let's watch all the sequels! We are totally desensitized to violence now!! How's about we bring our underage children too?" I mean, I have a kinda funky sense of humor but just the idea of watching a movie like this freaks me out.

3. Wrong Turn (1, 2, 3, and possibly 4? Is there a 4th one people?): At what point can a movie with inbred cannibals in it be made? Well, I guess it got made because Eliza Dushkau signed on for it.Okay. That makes sense because she is awesome. The next question is: Why are there two (possibly three) sequels??? What?!?!

4. Howard the Duck: Any movie about a giant duck goes against the natural order of things. Therefore, it is terrifying. I would probably have nightmare for a week from such a movie.

5. Shrek the Fourth: STOP MAKING a FOURTH MOVIE!!! I like trilogies. There is a logical sense in the number three. I don't know where the logical sense comes from, but it is there. I have not seen this movie, but I have heard that it is terrifyingly bad and terrifyingly confusing. What is going to become of the generation of children after me who grow up to be even greater spazzes than I am? That is scary. If they make a fourth Toy Story movie I will probably have to hurt somebody in Pixar. For the good of the children.

6. The latest Eddie Murphy movies and the latest Nicole Kidman movies: I love both of these actors. They have done some beautiful work. But lately their movies have had terrifyingly bad performances in the box office. They are clearly doing something wrong. Let's face it: If the two of them teamed up, they would probably create a movie that tanked so badly that our world would be thrown into a never ending night and the very gates of hell would open. Chaos would rain on earth, things would be topsy-turvy, and Lindsey Lohan would probably win an Oscar.

There are a lot more scary movies that I have not seen, but I am too afraid to list anymore.

ModernHelen