The unicorn of the sea!

So, I was on failblog.org (an amazing website), and I found this. I think that it is the best play set ever imagined for children. Look how nicely the animals are pre-impaled to maximum efficiency! Look at the magical array of impaling horns to choose from! Look at the... Koala? I don't think that Koalas live any where near the arctic...

This was a set at Goodwill. I cannot possibly imagine how, at the epically low price of 1.99, this thing has not been snatched up after 38 weeks. What is wrong with the planet? What parent wouldn't want to teach his child about the magic and wonder of one endangered animal impaling other endangered and threatened animals?

I mean, it is called the avenging Narwhal. That penguin, Koala, and seal must have done something to piss her off so much.

Yes, I think that it is a girl narwhal. It is probably because  I am projecting my own inner hatred of penguins, seals, and koalas onto the narwhal.

I'm just kidding. I only hate koalas because I read about one attacking a woman's face at a petting zoo.

In Australia, even the cuddly wildlife wants to eat you.

ModernHelen

You cannot have my dragons!

I have really began to notice that dragons are EVERYWHERE. I challenge you to go into a kids store without finding eighty million dragon things. How to Tame a Dragon was a big hit this last year.

It isn't fair people!

When I was a child, I liked dragons before dragons were cool. I had to work really hard to find dragon things anywhere. Every time I did find something, I did a dance of victory like the hyper-active over-imaginative child that I was.

And now, they are everywhere. The dragon loving children of today have it too easy.

Not only that, dragons have been cheapened, lessened, enslaved to the same cuteness culture that already got the unicorns. I loved How to Tame your Dragon, but it is a real sign of the problem. You can't tame dragons people! And what about Dragon Tales? What the heck is that? Dragons are not cutesy beings whose sole purpose is to babysit annoying human children and learn lessons through non-dangerous "adventures".

Dragons are dangerous. So are unicorns, so are vampires, so are fairies. They are dangerous because they are other. They have rules and culture and law, but these are so very different from human rules and culture and law that we cannot understand them.

Now, Lisa Frank stole the unicorns a long time ago. She drained them of their wildness. She took the deadly point out of the their horns. She imprisoned them in a jail of rainbows and eternal improbable flowers.

Twilight may have sparklified the vampires, but the divergence from the true myth and to more modern interpretations began with Bram Stoker. The vampire as a restless spirit who died before his time and returns from the grave, more zombie or ghost than incubus, is long gone.

The fairies, fortunately, seem to be returning back to their proper place as dangerous and other. I think that Holy Black's novels do an excellent job portraying the old fairies in the modern world. Though Tinkerbell and Disney seem determined to ruin everything. I'm not saying that fairies couldn't be helpful. I'm just saying they usually weren't.

They shall not have the dragons! The dragons will not be tamed and shackled! You can cutesify and dress things up for children (between you an me, children don't need the cuteness. Adults need it so that they feel that their children are protected), but you cannot take my dragons!

DRAGONS WILL RULE THE PLANET!

ModernHelen

ps: Dragons will not really rule the planet because they are not real. Don't be alarmed.

Raisin Bread and Impulse Buys

Today was a Monday.
That means that I had four lecture classes and a three hour lab.
YET. It still managed to be a happy day due to raisin bread and impulse buys.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that my philosophy teacher agreed to bring in raisin bread after discovering that some people did not know what it was. Well, he did not bring in raisin bread.

 But someone did.

It was really amusing. Picture it. A class of college students contentedly eating raisin bread. In walks the teacher. He blinks. Something is amiss. He looks at the identical pieces of raisin bread on each student's desk. He looks at his own desk. There is raisin bread on it.

"Who brought in the raisin bread?" He says, almost angrily.

There is silence.

"Did anyone do anything to this bread and then place it in this position so as to tempt me?"

More silence.

"Seriously, who brought in the raisin bread?"

It was awesome.

Oh! This reminded me of another random philosophy anecdote. So, here is a tangent about that. I will put it in Italics so that you know this is a tangent. You can skip to the end of the tangent if you want to read about my impulse buy.

Apparently, I give off a vibe to teachers. I will call this vibe "I am a good child who follows the rules to a pathological degree. I am trustworthy." This vibe has followed me to college.

After a confused period of frowning at the paper he was holding, my philosophy teacher apparently said "These are not my notes for this class. I will have to go get them." Then, with remarkable alacrity, he turned and pointed at me, stuck in the sixth row of the classroom, and said "Helen, if anybody moves tell me."

Everyone in the classroom swivelled to stare at me, the freak that the teacher deemed trustworthy. Then, some people began to grin. They began to hover halfway out of their seats and do all kinds of other balancing acts.

"Hey Holly! Am I out of my seat?"

"No, you are not. And my name is Helen."

"Oh... "

I am glad that I go to a college full of smart and mature young adults.


We're back to my impulse buy story!

I was leaving Vertebrate Physiology Lecture when I notice there is a plant sale going on. Then, I feel a strange need fill my soul. It is a need that can only be filled with an impulse buy.

So, I bought a cactus. It is a beautiful cactus. It has spiky thorns and bright green leaves and crimson flowers and it only cost two dollars.

I named her Lorelei, and she is the bestest impulse buy in the history of all  impulse buys.

I hope you enjoyed my random Monday. Please keep reading so that I can feel validated.

ModernHelen

Helen the destroyer

Today during Philosophy, I broke a pen. No big deal. They are all made in China nowadays. Then, I broke another pen. I was a little concerned by my klutziness. Then, I began to reminisce on all the things I have broken in the twoish months that I have been in school.

1. Pens and Pencils

2. Plastic Hangers

3. Metal Hangers

4. Laundry Machines (technically, these machines break constantly, but I think that they must really not like me, because they break EVERYTIME that I have clothes in them).

5. Scissors

6. A binder

7. A 50 mL beaker in Chem lab

8. My shower scrubby thingy

9. A belt

10. A pair of sandals

11. Earrings


OMG. I am Helen the destroyer. I break all things. I should come with a warning label. I should not be allowed into rooms with nice things.

And, lastly, #12, I have broken my life plan. I need to figure out a new one, since I switched to Philosophy as my major now.

ModernHelen

ps: There will probably be a lot of posts in list form for a while because I really like lists!

Things my roomate has lost in her "blackhole of a bed"

Written with Ashley's permission

1. paperclips

2. thumbtacks (I do not know why these were anywhere near where she sleeps...)

3. her phone ("Oh no! It's stuck in the crack between the bed and the wall! Don't fall don't fall don't fall!!!")

4. phone charger

5. Three-hole puncher

6. tape measure

7 belts

8. clothes ("I thought that I had lost all these clothes and they were in my bed!")

9.hangers

10. dry wall (she had a fail with sticking fake spider-webs to the ceiling...)

11. headphones

12. hair ties

13. Scissors (this is dangerous)


Oh the woes of midterm week! It has made both of us really really crazy! She could have died by scissors!!!

Remember children: never sleep with scissors. Or thumbtacks.

ModernHelen

The scariest movies I didn't see

I was going to write about scary movies that I did see, but I thought this might be more entertaining.

1. The Hannah Montana Movie (or, whatever it was called..): Technically, I have seen bits and pieces of the movie. What I saw terrified me. Who is this unprofessional young woman warping the minds of young girls everywhere with her impossible and outlandish dilemmas? Why is she pulling such cruel pranks on people? Where the heck is any sort of parental discipline? And, most importantly, does this alter-ego thing mean that dissociative mental states are okay?

2. The Saw movies: Why would you want to watch people die horribly for several hours? I mean, does Jimmy Jo-Average just get his average friends together and say "Lols! Let's watch this movie where everybody DIES HORRIBLY. Then, let's watch all the sequels! We are totally desensitized to violence now!! How's about we bring our underage children too?" I mean, I have a kinda funky sense of humor but just the idea of watching a movie like this freaks me out.

3. Wrong Turn (1, 2, 3, and possibly 4? Is there a 4th one people?): At what point can a movie with inbred cannibals in it be made? Well, I guess it got made because Eliza Dushkau signed on for it.Okay. That makes sense because she is awesome. The next question is: Why are there two (possibly three) sequels??? What?!?!

4. Howard the Duck: Any movie about a giant duck goes against the natural order of things. Therefore, it is terrifying. I would probably have nightmare for a week from such a movie.

5. Shrek the Fourth: STOP MAKING a FOURTH MOVIE!!! I like trilogies. There is a logical sense in the number three. I don't know where the logical sense comes from, but it is there. I have not seen this movie, but I have heard that it is terrifyingly bad and terrifyingly confusing. What is going to become of the generation of children after me who grow up to be even greater spazzes than I am? That is scary. If they make a fourth Toy Story movie I will probably have to hurt somebody in Pixar. For the good of the children.

6. The latest Eddie Murphy movies and the latest Nicole Kidman movies: I love both of these actors. They have done some beautiful work. But lately their movies have had terrifyingly bad performances in the box office. They are clearly doing something wrong. Let's face it: If the two of them teamed up, they would probably create a movie that tanked so badly that our world would be thrown into a never ending night and the very gates of hell would open. Chaos would rain on earth, things would be topsy-turvy, and Lindsey Lohan would probably win an Oscar.

There are a lot more scary movies that I have not seen, but I am too afraid to list anymore.

ModernHelen

Run away to the humanities!!!

I would like to apologize to the few loyal followers that I have for not updating sooner. I have been going through a little turbulence in my first semester of college. It will result in a few changes to my blog.

I am changing majors. I am running away from Biology and switching to an English/Philosophy double major with a minor in Biology, and possibly a minor in Psychology too.

I really should have seen this coming. Even when I was reading all of the science books that I read last summer and contemplating what a truly awesome person I was, and what an amazing scientist I was going to be, I had my doubts.

Whenever I told people that I was going to major in Biology, I would follow it with "But, maybe I will run away to the humanities. LOL!!!" I guess my subconscious understands me. I mean, it has to. It has lived with me, my craziness, my over-enthusiasm, and my near-constant panic for my whole life. It knew ALL ALONG, and it did try to warn me, but I was too caught up in the technocratic pressure of society, and the empowerment of being a MODERN woman in the sciences.

I would do fine in Biology. I understand the information and I am proficient at the labs and the technology. I just do not want to do it. It does not come easily to me. I have to work like a chipmunk who downed a double-shot espresso in order to get the technological aspects of the science and the lab into my head.

On the other hand, English has always been the one subject that never concerned me. I read quickly and at a high level of comprehension. I may use incorrect grammar and made-up words in this blog, but in the real world I am pretty awesome at grown-up writing. For goodness sakes! What was I thinking? I guess I was intent on being MODERN Helen.

I began to realize that my philosophy and honors courses were of greater interest to me than anything else. They were fun and I got to TALK. I really really like to talk. I love the sciences, but I am more interested in the implications of the sciences for humans (hence the double major in English and Philosophy and the science minors). I want to learn about ethics and come up with my own ideas about how to live in a world full of science and technology while still keeping a sense of human worth.

I am going to get this double-major, go on to get a PhD,  and then get to live in college forever as a professor. I shall teach awesomeness, and I will get to read, and write and talk ALL THE TIME. It will be magical, and I will be happy (mostly) and I will not have to use computers for crazy statistical analysis ever again.

HOORAY!!!

ModernHelen

Random Wikipedia Madness

I have decided that I will broaden my foundation of interesting but useless facts by wikipediaing random articles. Today I learned about New Germany Minnesota. It has a population of 346 (as of 2000) and is only .6 miles square. It  looks kinda depressing.

Darn. I am not awesome enough to have a wikipedia entry. I suppose I will have to discover something amazing in order for that to happen...

Also, apparently Canada had a 2008-2010 automotive crisis. This is the first I have heard of that. But hey, what happens in Canada stays in Canada. Really, has anyone ever heard of anything in the automotive industry that is in Canada? That's right! It stays in Canada!

I find it amusing that the Batman article is MASSIVELY long. It is longer than:

1. Lady Gaga's article
2. Charlie Chaplin's article
3. The article on Dragons
4. The article on Velociraptors
5. The article on Pants
6. The article on cookies
7. The article on Marie Curie
8. The article on Life
9. The article on Death

So, from now on I have decided that nothing/no one is important unless it/he has an article of Wikipedia that is longer than the Batman article. It is a sad thing to discover that pants are not that important, but I suppose that I can go without if I must. Incidentally, my new random goal in life is to have an article longer than the Batman article on Wikipedia.

Dunanananananananana BATMAN!

ModernHelen

Here is a quasi-educational rant about vampires

I have decided to type something "educational". Sometimes.

By educational, I mean some random facts about something that I find amusing that will almost certainly degenerate into another fun fun Internet rant.


A lot of people are part of team Mr. Edward sparkle pants, the magically-angsty teen dream hunk vampire that has invaded the world of pre-teen (scary!) up to middle aged (scarier!) women. But this is not a real vampire, you silly sillies.

Real vampires have serious B.O. and are really more like zombies. The trouble started with Bram Stoker, who created a character who was really too alluring (though still creepy) to be a real vampire. After this, I think someone just took traditional succubus/incubus mythology (these are female/male demons that seduced  people and feed on sexual energy) and vampires and stuck them in a blender.
 
This generated a slew of vampire novels and books that were high on sexual energy and horror. My favorite vampires are the Buffy ones. They are so lame! Buffy just shoves a pencil through their chests and they explode! And who can not love the bad ass Lost Boys vampires? Or the disturbing role of Kristen Dunst in The Interview with a Vampire?

Then, along came Ms. Stephanie Meyer. And she took that blender of fairly awesomeness and she had to add sparkles. And angst. And immortal teenager hood. Seriously, who wants to be a teenager forever? Immortal acne anyone?

So, there is a tiny bit of info about vampires.

I just read over the post again and there is not really much info about vampires there...

Oh well. This is my blog and I have my own fun.

ModernHelen

The saga of the glasses

Once upon a time, a young woman went to visit her aunt. Her aunt looked at her prescription sunglasses and said "when did you get those?"
The woman replied "when I was fourteen".
"But you're eighteen now."
"They still fit."
"They are little girl glasses Helen."
"I like them!"
"You are a woman. You need grown-up glasses."

And so, the woman went with her aunt to a magical place called: The Lenscrafters of L.A.

Something you should know about this woman: She is me (well, duh.). Also, she has RIDICULOUSLY expensive lenses because her prescription is really really bad. So, having her lovely aunt buy her prescription sunglasses as a graduation gift was a happy happy thing.

And thus began the saga of the glasses.

1. We go to get glasses. But, little cousin, while a darling, is two, and therefore makes life a bit of a hell. Finally, two exhaustive hours later, a pair of sunglasses has been picked out.

2. They do not have the lenses in stock. They will have to order them. Okay...

3. I am now home, sans glasses. They haven't gotten the lenses in yet.

4. Two weeks pass. They still do not have the lenses.

5. I call them. The lenses have arrived. VICTORY! Except, they have a major scratch in them. They shall have to order them again.

6. About three weeks pass. I am really nervous at this point, because I am leaving for college in a few days, and I need those glasses!

7. I leave for college. I am now at college, sans glasses.

8. Finally, two months after the glasses are initially ordered, they arrive near my college. I do not have a car...

9. After a week, my roommate and I go to pick up my glasses.

10. Triumph! My lovely lovely grown-up glasses.

11. They are TOO BIG. I try to get them adjusted. Apparently, this is impossible. My prescription is so very bad that the glasses frames cannot be bent small enough to fit my freakishly delicate face because the lenses are practically as thick as old-timey coke bottles.

12. Finally, my grandmother is able to give my a lift out to the Lenscrafters AGAIN so that I can bring the glasses back. They try to get me to but another pair of glasses while I am there and to exchange them. I get a scary scary look on my face. It is the look of fear that this will start again. They give me a check.

13. I deposit the check. So, now I have money and no prescription sunglasses. After almost THREE MONTHS the saga is over.

14. The saga of how to spend the money begins. Maybe I should go to Mexico and drink me some Tequila (just kidding Mom).

The moral of the story is that if you have a bad eyesight you do not deserve grown-up prescription sunglasses. You should just give up now.

I still have my little girl prescription sunglasses though, and they still fit, and I still like them.

ModernHelen

you know you are tired when...

1. You find yourself staring at your hand. Has it always looked like that?

2. A song is stuck in your head, but the words are all confused, and you find yourself humming it slightly, at double time, and there are red crazy colors to match it parading across your brain.

3. You start giggling because you are so tired. The giggling turns into a fit of hysterical laughter that soon degenerates to gasping in pain while your roommate stares at you. This is usually a good time to stop studying and go to sleep, because you are not going to get ANYTHING done.

4. Very random snippets of dialogue and plot start going through your brain. If you are not careful, you will probably become convinced that Star Wars is the story of how a young punk teenager learned karate from a Jedi trainer who turned out to be his evil twin and that I had to stop him from catching all of the Pokemon and then went to space to fight the aliens and attend an intergalactic dance party on the death star. My brain has never actually come up with anything this spastically awesome, but I bet it could if I went without sleep for long enough and had many many coffees it could happen.

5. You become increasingly paranoid. There must be some psychopath somewhere in the room. Maybe he is in the closet. Maybe if you hide under the covers he will not ax murder you, or he will at least do it quickly...

6. You go on the Internet. You keep scrolling through failblog.org and related sites. You are kinda zoned out, so you do not register what is going on. But, you get this terrific idea. You should write a post! You clearly have something awesome to say to the world.

7. You write this post.

ModernHelen

ps. : Alex, I know that I told you I would give you a shout-out for something, but I forgot what it was, so I am giving you a shout-out about how I am SO tired that I have forgotten about shout-outs.

pps: The spell check reminded me that pokemon is capitalized to Pokemon (awesome). Also, spastically is apparently not a word, but spastic ally is. I would like a spastic ally...

Things I am allergic to

Everybody is allergic to stuff. We humans may have pretty awesome immune systems, but they freak out sometimes and see a piece of mold or peanut or shellfish and go "OMG! We're gonna die!" and make your skin break out in horrible horrible hives...

Anyway, I thought I'd share what I am allergic to with all of my devoted readers.

1. Something in the dust that lives in old books
I don't know what it is, but I am allergic to one (possibly more than one) substance in old books. I get uncomfortable after about two hours in old book stores, which is sad because they have cheap books and I am a cheap person who likes cheap books.

2. Bananas and Melons
They make my mouth feel itchy and strange. Personally, I don't think I'm missing anything. Melons are annoying and squishy and bananas are only good in bread.

3. Band-aid Adhesive
I rediscovered this when I removed a band aid today, and my skin looked all funky. Perhaps if I was less clumsy, and therefore had fewer cuts, and therefore was exposed to less band aid adhesive, this would not have happened.

4. Vicodin
Remember how I am not allowed to take this medicine? I'm allergic to it. It made my skin all itchy. You know, going off of Vicodin early after having your wisdom teeth removed is an enlightening experience. Seriously, you will completely swear off natural child-birth. You'll be like "Gimme some drugs nurse! I don't wanna be in pain without drugs ever again!"

5. Stupidity

6.A mystery substance
I do not know what it was that caused a massive allergic reaction about three years ago, but it was bad. I woke up in the middle of the night and my legs felt itchy and strangely heavy. I couldn't sleep. Then, when I got up, I discovered that there were hives on MY ENTIRE BODY (almost). Naturally, being a slight hypochondriac, I decided that I had flesh eating bacteria. I woke my mom up, and she was scared, and she drove me to the hospital. The doctor was like "It's just an allergic reaction. If it was really flesh-eating bacteria, and it was that widespread, there would be nothing more we could do." Translation: 'You overreacted small blonde child. Good thing that you don't have flesh eating bacteria or you would be DEAD. Lols!!!'

I do not know what caused the reaction. I thought that it was cayenne pepper, but I have eaten it since without incident. I think that it might have been soap.

ModernHelen

Ps: I'm not sure if you read this Jeff, but I am totally proud of you and I don't want you to let anyone get you down. People will be stupid. I know because I am a people, and I am often stupid.

The Creepiest Bathroom Ever

I have seen some really creepy bathrooms in my short life. I've seem bathrooms that have no right angles, bathrooms with doors that do not offer adequate privacy, bathrooms with too many stalls that go on forever, bathrooms with terrible plumbing, and bathrooms that are clearly not for human use.

But today, at my very own college, I had the pleasure of discovering a bathroom that Stephen King could probably write a story about, with craziness, hallucinations, and possibly eerie time-travel.

I was innocently studying in the Library when I came across it. As I stepped into its interior, the air seemed to change, becoming flat and strange smelling. There was no sound from outside. It was as if I had entered a dead zone.

The tiles were a disgusting color. They were the color of the teeth of a habitual coffee drinker who has not discovered the wonder of  whitening trays. There was an ominous humming from the lights.

As I glanced at the stalls, I instinctively jerked my head back. They were orange. Not a natural orange. Not an industrial human-made orange. This orange was manufactured in the depths of Hades and then sent up to earth because it was too freaky for the demons to handle.

There was a giant old-fashioned NO SMOKING sign. And, it what appears to have been a half-hearted attempt at bringing the plumbing into this century, there were two different styles of sinks. One of the sinks had one of those mirrors that opens out into a medicine drawer above it. The mirror was slightly open, and I was afraid to open it all the way.

After washing my hands, I turned to the paper towel dispenser. There were no paper towels. There were, however, several rolls of toilet paper shoved into the paper towel dispenser. I do not know how they got there.

I left the bathroom with a sense of having escaped something inexplicable. The atmosphere returned to normal the second I left.

I am never ever going in there again. It was CREEPY!

ModernHelen

Ps: A shout out to my parents for being awesome enough to read and enjoy my blog. You are very special parents, and I am very lucky that all of your specialness rubbed off on me, making  me extra-super special.

I think my brain is trying to kill me

Guys, I hope I'm not coming off as paranoid by saying this, but I really do think that my brain is trying to kill me. It has not been at all cooperative lately. It has been obstinate, dumb, overly-hyper, sleep-deprived, and strange. In the last week...

1. I have had "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga playing on a nearly continuous loop. Sometimes, my brain will throw in random lines from "Poker Face" or "Paparazzi" just to put the icing on the cake. This is fun for the first HOUR, but then you start to feel kinda crazy. And, you can't just start dancing like a disturbed fashion-challenged pop-star and singing "I want your ugly, I want your disease". It gives people the wrong idea.

2. I have had TWO insomnia attacks. I thought my brain and I had come to a truce about this. I thought that the limit was ONE insomnia attack per week. Well, I guess my brain broke that truce.

3. My brain has been making me eat sugar. Seriously, I can not stop thinking about chocolate, and cupcakes, and ice cream. Clearly, my brain is trying to make me very unhealthy so that I am susceptible to many horrible horrible illnesses. Then, I will die.

4. I have had really bad nightmares. My brain has recruited my subconscious to the cause of trying to kill me by interfering EVEN MORE with my sleep-cycle. If I have to survive one more zombie apocalypse or run away from one more velociraptor (apparently, I am not their queen :(...), I may start to become paranoid during the day. Then, I will be jumpy, and possibly accuse random people of being zombies and/or velociraptors.

5. I have been drinking MASSIVE amounts of coffee. My brain has been refusing to work (due to the sleep-deprivation of its own devising) without coffee, so I have been drinking about three cups a day, which makes me hyper and more paranoid, and makes it harder for me to fall asleep, continuing the cycle of death.

6. My brain has been procrastinating so that I do not pick up my room. It kinda looks like a war zone right now. I almost slipped on my choir binder and broke my neck last night!

7. My brain is so evil, that it has decided killing me is not enough. No, it is taking out my poor (mostly) innocent roommate too. Ashley has been having a strange amounts of trouble getting onto her lofted bed. Her side of the room also looks like a war zone. In fact, our belongings have joined forces and taken over the floor, making walking a perilous proposition.

In conclusion, my brain is TOTALLY trying to kill me. If I stop blogging, it is probably because I am dead. Or maybe, just distracted. By "Bad Romance".

ModernHelen

The People of College Land

College is a magical place. You get to be on hiatus from doing real grownup things, and all that is expected of you is that you become marginally proficient in a specific skill set. Unless you are going to Grad school or Med school or something. Then you have to be more awesome than Batman.

I have met some truly hilarious people at college, and some of them have been reading this blog! Hooray for them! Shout out to Earth Goddess. Also, a shout out to Alex who said, in all seriousness, that he would take off his pants if I gave him a shout out. He offered twice... A shout out to my very excellent roommate who understands that I am a little bit crazy, because she is a little bit crazy too.

Also, a shout out to Patrick for calling me at 8:30 last night when I was frantically finishing my Lab Report and making me think that my ENTIRE LIFE had been a lie. The conversation went roughly like this:

Me: Hello?

Patrick: Helen I'm so disappointed in you.

Me: Patrick?? What's up?

Patrick: You're a liar. It's not a dragon, it's a griffin.

Me: What?

Patrick: Your Welsh flag (I have a Welsh flag. I mentioned it in an earlier post). It's Welsh. It's not a dragon, it's a griffin.

Me: No, it's a dragon.

Patrick: It's a griffin Helen.

Me: No, it's a dragon. It has to be a dragon. If it isn't a dragon, my ENTIRE LIFE has been a lie.

Patrick: It's a griffin.

Me: Are you telling me that my entire life has been a LIE?? It can't be a griffin.

Patrick: It's a griffin.

(this goes on for a while. I become more and more anguished...)

Me: LOOK IT UP ON THE INTERNET IT HAS TO BE A DRAGON!! PLEASE DON'T LET MY LIFE BE A LIE!! (I really was this desperate...)

Patrick: (presumably looking up the Welsh flag on the Internet)...

Me: Patrick?!?!

Patrick: It is a dragon.

Me: I told you! Next time look things up on the Internet before you try to convince me that my entire life has been a lie!

Patrick: Sorry (doesn't sound even a tiny bit sorry for the mental turmoil he caused me).

Me: I have to finish this lab report.

Patrick: Bye.

So, you see how random conversations in college can be...

There are many more awesome people out there. As hilarious stories occur to me, I will tell them. Thank you everyone who is reading this blog and making me feel loved! The rest of you should be reading this. It's insane brilliance may rub off on you and bring you closer to enlightenment.

ModernHelen