I WILL be Back!!

Hey Everyone who is still checking this blog (by which I mean the two deluded optimists I know)! I know that I have been a bad person and abandoned this blog. It is unforgivable. But, I'm asking you to forgive me anyway. You know why? Because I'm adorable. Granted, unless you are a close friend or a ninja stalker, you do not have empirical knowledge of this fact. So you will just have to trust me.

I am in the midst of a crazy crazy CRAZY!!! (I like repeating things three times...) week with finals. I have thus far typed about 40 pages, and I have about 12 pages left to go, so I am not promising anything big for updates YET.

However, I am excited to announce that my craziness, that beautiful and mad muse that inspires so many overly-caffeinated people, has not gone away. If anything, it has gotten worse! Which is good for you guys because it leads to more fun times in your reading. And bad for me because it helps undermine my ability to have normal-time. At all.

Of course, I'm not convinced normal-time is a good thing. It seems to consist of getting drunk and being a dumb-ass. So, I think I'll keep the crazy!

Anyways, I am still having brain thoughts that are crazy, hilarious, and occasionally insightful. Face it: if you write enough, you are bound by the laws of probability to come up with SOMETHING meaningful at SOME point in your life!

Additionally, I have decided that I am officially an adult. I have a license that proves it. So, I am going to start saying more grown-up things. There may even be swears and skankiness!

Here are some of the exciting new categories of thought that you have to look forward to:

1) Thoughts just before I fall asleep

2) It takes nine-million times as long to do anything as it ought to

3) I hate my stupid body

4) Why I would not be a  heroine or a villainess in a fantasy epic but would, instead, be one of those mysterious, powerful, and often ambivalent secondary characters, as illustrated by examples from the greatest tv series ever made, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Here is a sneak peak at Number 1!:

Thoughts just before I fall asleep:

1) Can-Can can you do that Can-Can! Can you... You shouldn't do a Can-Can... in midair... 'cause then you twist your ankle like that one time...

2) I'm the queen of the velociraptors

3) Can you have a posteriori knowledge of a priori knowledge? (If you don't know what this is google it and you are half-way to sounding like a pretentious old man!!)

4) I'm Helen the Christmas Elf! On a Shelf! Oh good brain! Why do you hate me?

ModernHelen

Ps: If you don't like it, you can kiss my ass because I am DONE with being a cutesy little girl-woman just so people like me.

PPs: PLEASE LIKE IT!!!