Job Applications

THE JOB APPLICATIONS ARE ATTACKING MY FACE!!!

Like any other poor college student home from the summer I am beginning to realize the horrible horribleness of the economy and of the entire process of getting a job in this day and age.

Here are my marketable skills:

1) Can write awesomely

2) Can type 55 words per minute

3) Can sing... oh wait... that's not marketable...

4) Ummmm......

You see the issue? I am virtually useless until I get my PHD(s)!!

I have no idea what is happening. THERE ARE SO MANY JOB APPLICATIONS!! This is worse than college applications because with college I KNEW I was getting in somewhere but now I have no idea if anyone will give me a job and I am a very very scared person.

Can't I just write papers showcasing my brilliance? That would be a Job Applications that I could win at.
There are just so many places and so many applications...

And so many people will soon have my social security number so that will probably be stolen or something.

So then I will need a job to pay back the debt that identity theft has given me...

BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET ONE BECAUSE MY IDENTITY WILL BE ALL TARNISHED!!!!!!!!!!

I am really really really not happy right now. Tomorrow I have to make a resume appear like magic (I have never written a non-music essay before) and pick up MORE applications and drop the OTHER applications off and then fill out MORE online applications.


And then probably cry.

Also I am pretty sure that I failed one of the personality tests. I just kept coming up with better answers than the ones given and contingency situations and stuff... If they monitor the number of times that you change your answers then I am probably in serious trouble. But my stupid philosopher brain kept coming up with different scenarios and hypothesizing better solutions and my snarky English professor brain was commenting on how to phrase everything better so I kept changing my mind...

ModernHelen

ps: The Olive Garden does not hire over the summer. This is because it probably thinks that it is much more awesome than it actually is. The Olive Garden is NOT awesome; it is overpriced and as European as Kraft Mac n Cheese.