So, I was trying to fall asleep last night (Falling asleep is becoming progressively harder the closer I get to the end of finals week. This is probably because I am turning in EVERY SINGLE ONE of my finals assignments on Monday. It's not that I'm not on top of my work; I am. It's just that papers are to my brain as sugar is to a small child. I can't stop being all HYPER and EXCITED and CAN-DO about them. Even when it is three in the morning). As I was trying to fall asleep, I suddenly remembered a long frustration I have with one of the most tragic tragedies of the Greek Tradition: Oedipus Rex.
For those of you who were not classically educated/aren't ridiculous Greek myth freaks, here is the basic plot of the Oedipus myth:
Once upon a time in Greece, there was a Theban royal couple named to Laius and Jocasta. Due to lots of royal sexy time, they eventually had a son named Oedipus. The occasion was marred by the fact that the Oracle of Delphi foretold that littl' Oedipus would KILL his father and MARRY his mother. Laius and Jocasta did what any well-adjusted couple would do: they abandoned the baby on a mountain and high-tailed it back to Thebes.
(Un)fortunately, a shepherd found littl' Oedipus and brought him to the king and queen of Corinth who adopted him as their child. Apparently, they had same leery feelings about adoption as parents sometimes do today, because they decided that not telling Oedipus ANYTHING about his infancy was the best plan ever.
Years later, the grown Oedipus discovered the prophecy from the Oracle and was horrified. Because his adoptive parents were big fat liars, he assumed that they were his birth parents, and he ran away to avoid the prophecy. He ran away to Thebes. Yep. Right to his REAL parents. On his way there, he and this old guy got into a fight over who got to...cross a road first. That's right. They fought over WHO GOT TO GO FIRST! (I knew better by the end of first grade). Oedipus killed the old guy who turned out to be his father.
Prophecy: 1 Oedipus: 0
He then was confronted by the Sphinx who had decided that Thebes was the "it" city to terrorize with riddles. He solved her riddle (What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three at night? A confused robot? A lizard that lost two legs and then grew one back? A mutated Hollywood monster? No to all of the above! The answer is "Man") and she killed herself in rage.
Because it was a myth, the people of Thebes decided that Oedipus and Jocasta should get together. Oedipus married her. And they had four children/grandchildren. Hence the Freudian "Oedipus Complex" As in: "You think YOUR MOM'S SO HOT! Oh wait... you do? ... Um... That's kind of awkward...."
Prophecy: 2 Oedipus: 0
The moral of the story is that you cannot avoid your fate because do to a tragic flaw or a missing of the mark ("hamartia") that is inevitable and unavoidable.
MY moral to the story is:
Oedipus was a Dumbass!
Here are how things could have played out if he hadn't been a dumbass:
1) Adopted Family Discussion Group
The Oracle: You shall kill your father and marry your mother!
Oedipus: OH NOES!!!! (runs back to Corinth) Hey you guys! I just heard the most horrible prophecy that I'm going to kill my father and marry my mother!! What do I do??
Queen of Corinth: Sweetie, I guess this is a good time to tell you: We aren't your parents.
Oedipus: Oh that's great! I was worried I'd have to run far away to Thebes or something!
King of Corinth: No son. You'll stay right here. And we'll find a nice girl for you to marry. Someone young. Younger than you are.
And they Lived Happily Ever After
2) I'm not Going to Thebes
The Oracle: You shall kill your father and marry your mother.
Oedipus: Oh no!!! I shall have to run away to Thebes!
The Oracle: Um... why don't you not go there?
Oedipus: Why?
The Oracle: I'm the Oracle Fool! Trust me on this.
Oedipus: Okay...
And so Oedipus went to Athens instead, became a famous sculptor, and lived happily ever after.
3) Wait... How old are you?
(Oedipus is on his way to Thebes)
Laius: Hey!! I wanna go first!
Oedipus: NO! I wanna go first!
Laius: I'll fight you!
Oedipus: So will I...wait a second... How old are you?
Laius: Old enough to be your father you young whippersnapper!
Oedipus: Hmm... Better not risk it... Go ahead!
Laius: Humph!! (Leaves)
(A Short While Later... Oedipus Triumphantly Enters Thebes)
Oedipus: Praise me Thebes! I have killed the Sphinx and delivered you! Praise me! PRAISE ME!!
Jocasta: Hello you stud-muffin! What do you say I ditch the old guy and make YOU king!
Oedipus: Well, that's tempting and all, but you're old enough to be my mother. And I've got this prophecy that I'm going to kill my father and marry my mother, and I'd rather not take any chances...
Jocasta: OMG! My son, who I abandoned on a mountain, totally had that prophecy!
Oedipus: You know, I really don't look anything like my "parents" in Corinth. Do you think that maybe...
Jocasta: OMG! You know, it's really good we didn't get married... That could have been really awkward...
Oedipus: Think of the Children!
And they lived happily (and not incestuously) ever after!
So there you have it!
Modern Helen
ps: I may have to keep mocking epic tragedies for funnsies now...
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