THE JOB APPLICATIONS ARE ATTACKING MY FACE!!!
Like any other poor college student home from the summer I am beginning to realize the horrible horribleness of the economy and of the entire process of getting a job in this day and age.
Here are my marketable skills:
1) Can write awesomely
2) Can type 55 words per minute
3) Can sing... oh wait... that's not marketable...
4) Ummmm......
You see the issue? I am virtually useless until I get my PHD(s)!!
I have no idea what is happening. THERE ARE SO MANY JOB APPLICATIONS!! This is worse than college applications because with college I KNEW I was getting in somewhere but now I have no idea if anyone will give me a job and I am a very very scared person.
Can't I just write papers showcasing my brilliance? That would be a Job Applications that I could win at.
There are just so many places and so many applications...
And so many people will soon have my social security number so that will probably be stolen or something.
So then I will need a job to pay back the debt that identity theft has given me...
BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET ONE BECAUSE MY IDENTITY WILL BE ALL TARNISHED!!!!!!!!!!
I am really really really not happy right now. Tomorrow I have to make a resume appear like magic (I have never written a non-music essay before) and pick up MORE applications and drop the OTHER applications off and then fill out MORE online applications.
And then probably cry.
Also I am pretty sure that I failed one of the personality tests. I just kept coming up with better answers than the ones given and contingency situations and stuff... If they monitor the number of times that you change your answers then I am probably in serious trouble. But my stupid philosopher brain kept coming up with different scenarios and hypothesizing better solutions and my snarky English professor brain was commenting on how to phrase everything better so I kept changing my mind...
ModernHelen
ps: The Olive Garden does not hire over the summer. This is because it probably thinks that it is much more awesome than it actually is. The Olive Garden is NOT awesome; it is overpriced and as European as Kraft Mac n Cheese.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Summer FINALLY arrives
Well I have finally made it back home for the summer after a trip that seemed to last forever and ever and ever.
I wish we had teleportation. Driving home from college was an exhausting experience.
I have always wondered about that. Road trips. You sit in the car for a million hours and do nothing accept bob your head to music, attempt to read, and reapply sunscreen to your arms because you are so white that you can apparently get sunburned through tinted car windows. Yet it's exhausting. My theory is that the human mind can only process so much change in scenery at a time. If you travel hundreds of miles in a few days your mind decides that you MUST be tired because you worked SO HARD to travel that far.
It doesn't make sense but it is psychology so you will all just have to deal with it.
This is not going to be a long post. I'm on a different time zone and I'm exhausted. But never fear. I have lots of craziness coming including a spectacular post consisting of some of the zany things that my teachers have been saying this year. I may even draw awesome pictures.
A shout out to my poor friends who are staying at school to do research (nerds) or to have jobs. You are the wise ones. I begin the frantic quest to get someone to hire me tomorrow. Too bad that I can't have an anagram rearranging challenge or something like that as part of the job interview process. I would win.
Good luck to everyone this summer! And if anyone knows about any people who desire to hire English/Philosophy undergrads for the summer then that would be just smashing.
ModernHelen
I wish we had teleportation. Driving home from college was an exhausting experience.
I have always wondered about that. Road trips. You sit in the car for a million hours and do nothing accept bob your head to music, attempt to read, and reapply sunscreen to your arms because you are so white that you can apparently get sunburned through tinted car windows. Yet it's exhausting. My theory is that the human mind can only process so much change in scenery at a time. If you travel hundreds of miles in a few days your mind decides that you MUST be tired because you worked SO HARD to travel that far.
It doesn't make sense but it is psychology so you will all just have to deal with it.
This is not going to be a long post. I'm on a different time zone and I'm exhausted. But never fear. I have lots of craziness coming including a spectacular post consisting of some of the zany things that my teachers have been saying this year. I may even draw awesome pictures.
A shout out to my poor friends who are staying at school to do research (nerds) or to have jobs. You are the wise ones. I begin the frantic quest to get someone to hire me tomorrow. Too bad that I can't have an anagram rearranging challenge or something like that as part of the job interview process. I would win.
Good luck to everyone this summer! And if anyone knows about any people who desire to hire English/Philosophy undergrads for the summer then that would be just smashing.
ModernHelen
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Its all Ashley's Fault
Okay. I am REALLY booked with finals week. This is an old draft that isn't really complete or very good. I hope you bask in its sub-par glory.
When you spend a lot of time around people, you tend to pick up their habits. It is a human evolutionary thing that goes back thousands of years and allows them to be somewhat social and agreeable. Except for when there are wars...
Anyways, I have picked up a few habits from my friends at college. Especially my roommate, Ashley, because I am stuck around her a lot.
Lets face it. She knows where I sleep.
It is Ashley's fault that I have started doing a few strange things, because it have been picking up her habits.
1) Now, I bounce up and down when I am really excited.
-Admittedly, I always did this a little. But Ashley made it worse.
2) I make high pitched shrieking sounds when startled or angry.
-Okay, I did do this before too. But Ashley made it worse!
We are stuck in positive feedback loops that overlap and lead to social-evolutionary mandated madness.
But I still say that it is ALL ASHLEY'S FAULT.
ModernHelen
ps: I bet you wished this post was longer but that's too damn bad. I have 500 pages of honors and 600 pages of philosophy to review and you must deal with it.
When you spend a lot of time around people, you tend to pick up their habits. It is a human evolutionary thing that goes back thousands of years and allows them to be somewhat social and agreeable. Except for when there are wars...
Anyways, I have picked up a few habits from my friends at college. Especially my roommate, Ashley, because I am stuck around her a lot.
Lets face it. She knows where I sleep.
It is Ashley's fault that I have started doing a few strange things, because it have been picking up her habits.
1) Now, I bounce up and down when I am really excited.
-Admittedly, I always did this a little. But Ashley made it worse.
2) I make high pitched shrieking sounds when startled or angry.
-Okay, I did do this before too. But Ashley made it worse!
We are stuck in positive feedback loops that overlap and lead to social-evolutionary mandated madness.
But I still say that it is ALL ASHLEY'S FAULT.
ModernHelen
ps: I bet you wished this post was longer but that's too damn bad. I have 500 pages of honors and 600 pages of philosophy to review and you must deal with it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)