Hooray!!! Look everybody!!!! I REAL FREAKIN BLOG POST!
You must all be so very very proud of me.
Well, I just wanted to have a few quick words with you all about purses and the things that you can put in them. Purses are exceptionally stylish, handy, and portable devices for carrying the various items that no woman can go ten minutes without. They come in a dazzling variety of shapes, colors, and sizes. I have heard tell that shoes are awesomeness to most women, but if that is the case then purses must be AWESOMENESS SQUARED.
Needless to say, there are many great and handy things to put into purses such as:
1) Chapstick, lipgloss, lirstick, etc.
2) Cellphones
3) Pepper spray
4) Gum. The kind that makes disgusting popping sounds
5) Books about purses.
6) Nine different colors of Highlighters
7) Emergency Feminine Items
Of course, I could go on. But frankly the number of items that can fit into a purse is equal to the number of items that are small/ malleable enough to be pushed into said purse, and I have discovered that a surprising number of items fit this description. Besides, seven is a lucky number.
However, there are some things that you should think about before stuffing them into your purse. Like food.
You see, small and hungry women in college tend to stuff random Caf food into various purses and bags so that they can not starve to death. For those of you yet to be in college, HAHA! You have NO IDEA what you are in for.
Anyways, some foods lend themselves to be stuffed into purses. Most kinds of fruits are good choices. Crackers, biscuits, and cookies wrapped in napkins also work well.
However, not everything lends itself to being stuffed into a small space and carried around for several hours.
Like cheesecake.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I did in fact wrap cheesecake in napkins and put it in my purse on Valentine's day before I went to my evening class. It looked delicious and I was hungry and did not have very much time so... Into the purse it went! This seemed like an excellent decision at the time because I had had insomnia the night before. I have to be REALLY CAREFUL after and during insomnia attacks because all kinds of bad ideas sound kind of brilliant at the time...
Don't put cheesecake in your purse people. You will just end up throwing it away when you realize how disgusting and stoopid a plan THAT was.
ModernHelen
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
There WILL be posts.....
Hey, I just want to inform you all that the blog posts are going to become more regular starting this saturday. They will also be less stupid and ungood. They may in fact be double plus good if big brother is not watching.
Keep on reading the blog and tell all your friends!
Modernhelen
Keep on reading the blog and tell all your friends!
Modernhelen
Sunday, February 13, 2011
These are some words... Part 1
Here are some words. Say them slowly to yourself. Ponder their meanings. Tell me of their origins…
There is no prize for knowing these words or understanding the stories of their origins or their cultural relevance. I will, however, be doing a post following this one explaining these words, and then you can feel special if you were right!
If you aren't right, you lose.
And then, to quote Bethany "You die".
1) Brillig
2) Effulgent
3) Quiz
4) Defenestration
5) Anabaptist
6) Kenning
7) Tessitura
8) Phylogeny
9) Cyclothymia
10) Antidisestablishmentarianism
ModernHelen
There is no prize for knowing these words or understanding the stories of their origins or their cultural relevance. I will, however, be doing a post following this one explaining these words, and then you can feel special if you were right!
If you aren't right, you lose.
And then, to quote Bethany "You die".
1) Brillig
2) Effulgent
3) Quiz
4) Defenestration
5) Anabaptist
6) Kenning
7) Tessitura
8) Phylogeny
9) Cyclothymia
10) Antidisestablishmentarianism
ModernHelen
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A Bad Combination
A few days ago I was playing cards with my friends. I was REALLY REALLY BAD at the particular card game that we were playing. I was inexplicably, terribly, wondrously bad. It was fairly late. I drank a rootbeer. I had just watched the best musical in all creation" "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" (STARRING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS). Suddenly, I turned on a friend and fellow player:
Me: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! I HOPE YOU DIE!!!
I then proceeded to collapse on the table and laugh hysterically for about five minutes. Fortunately, my friends recognize that I am a little bit odd and love me anyway. They actually thought that the whole thing was hysterical. But this made me wonder about myself and the times that I seem to totally lose it for no apparent reason and do something bizarre. Is there a pattern? Is there a solution?
I could not come up with anything, but it seems to me that there exist a few things that are clearly BAD COMBINATIONS for me.
Here are some of them! I love lists!!!!!!*
1) Soda + Neil Patrick Harris + Card Games = A BAD COMBINATION
2) Dancing + Smoky Dance-Club air + Dehydration = A BAD COMBINATION
3) Three in the Morning + Paper Due the Next Day + Five Cups of Coffee = A VERY BAD COMBINATION.
4) Horror Stories + Insomnia + Violent Reactions to People Sneaking up and Tapping You on the Shoulder = A POTENTIALLY FATAL COMBINATION
5) Love of chocolate + Lack of exercise + many excuses not to exercise = AN UNHEALTHY COMBINATION
6) Feelings of Guilt + Actual Guilt+ Feigned Indifference = A NOBODY'S-BUYING-IT COMBINATION.
7) Snow storm + Computer at the shop + No Car = AN UNTECHNOLOGICAL COMBINATION.
And Finally:
Feelings of self-importance + Desire to be autobiographical + Too much free time = A BLOG-CREATING COMBINATION.
ModernHelen
* I also love exclamation points.
Me: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! I HOPE YOU DIE!!!
I then proceeded to collapse on the table and laugh hysterically for about five minutes. Fortunately, my friends recognize that I am a little bit odd and love me anyway. They actually thought that the whole thing was hysterical. But this made me wonder about myself and the times that I seem to totally lose it for no apparent reason and do something bizarre. Is there a pattern? Is there a solution?
I could not come up with anything, but it seems to me that there exist a few things that are clearly BAD COMBINATIONS for me.
Here are some of them! I love lists!!!!!!*
1) Soda + Neil Patrick Harris + Card Games = A BAD COMBINATION
2) Dancing + Smoky Dance-Club air + Dehydration = A BAD COMBINATION
3) Three in the Morning + Paper Due the Next Day + Five Cups of Coffee = A VERY BAD COMBINATION.
4) Horror Stories + Insomnia + Violent Reactions to People Sneaking up and Tapping You on the Shoulder = A POTENTIALLY FATAL COMBINATION
5) Love of chocolate + Lack of exercise + many excuses not to exercise = AN UNHEALTHY COMBINATION
6) Feelings of Guilt + Actual Guilt+ Feigned Indifference = A NOBODY'S-BUYING-IT COMBINATION.
7) Snow storm + Computer at the shop + No Car = AN UNTECHNOLOGICAL COMBINATION.
And Finally:
Feelings of self-importance + Desire to be autobiographical + Too much free time = A BLOG-CREATING COMBINATION.
ModernHelen
* I also love exclamation points.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Here is some RANDOM STUFF I thought today...
I do not think I have had enough random in my life recently. Fortunately for you lucky people, I am going to create some random NOW. These are some random thoughts that have occurred to me today.
1) I might double major in Philosophy AND English because I apparently want to ruin my vision by squinting my eyes at books for the rest of forever.
2) If I was a unicorn I would probably accidentally impale people.
3) If I had lived in the Victorian era during the revival of all things fairy, mystical, and occult, I would probably have changed my name to "Madame Mysterious" and left my husband to tell fortunes and hold unholy seances for rich and gullible aristocrats.
4) The Phantom of the Opera would have strangled me if he was real because I am a very annoying talkative person.
5) I like Verdi. I have a Verdi dance now.
6) If there is no school next week due to snow, and then they try to add extra school or extra class periods on the weekends, I AM NOT DOING IT because I want to have a life even though I am currently failing miserable at that directive.
7) If I really concentrated, I could write a whole lot more random nonsense, and I might even be able to have SEVEN DIFFERENT BLOGS.
8) I now prefer reading analyses of myth, myth origin, and contemporary legends to reading fantasy and fiction stories. I never thought that would happen. My childhood is probably definitively over now.
9) I think that I have been eating too much sugar and that is a reason I now have a very sad zit on my chin. DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS.
10) If this was a horror movie, I would be the smart chick who pulls everyone together and figures out what is going on. Then, about 80 or 90 percent of the way through the movie when you are sure I'm going to make it, I WOULD DIE.
11) I have unrealistic expectations about relationships and I fully expect them to be met.
12) I use Italics, underlining, caps lock, and bold in my brain. This is probably not a good thing...
I hope you all enjoyed these random tidbits from inside of my brain.
ModernHelen
1) I might double major in Philosophy AND English because I apparently want to ruin my vision by squinting my eyes at books for the rest of forever.
2) If I was a unicorn I would probably accidentally impale people.
3) If I had lived in the Victorian era during the revival of all things fairy, mystical, and occult, I would probably have changed my name to "Madame Mysterious" and left my husband to tell fortunes and hold unholy seances for rich and gullible aristocrats.
4) The Phantom of the Opera would have strangled me if he was real because I am a very annoying talkative person.
5) I like Verdi. I have a Verdi dance now.
6) If there is no school next week due to snow, and then they try to add extra school or extra class periods on the weekends, I AM NOT DOING IT because I want to have a life even though I am currently failing miserable at that directive.
7) If I really concentrated, I could write a whole lot more random nonsense, and I might even be able to have SEVEN DIFFERENT BLOGS.
8) I now prefer reading analyses of myth, myth origin, and contemporary legends to reading fantasy and fiction stories. I never thought that would happen. My childhood is probably definitively over now.
9) I think that I have been eating too much sugar and that is a reason I now have a very sad zit on my chin. DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS.
10) If this was a horror movie, I would be the smart chick who pulls everyone together and figures out what is going on. Then, about 80 or 90 percent of the way through the movie when you are sure I'm going to make it, I WOULD DIE.
11) I have unrealistic expectations about relationships and I fully expect them to be met.
12) I use Italics, underlining, caps lock, and bold in my brain. This is probably not a good thing...
I hope you all enjoyed these random tidbits from inside of my brain.
ModernHelen
Friday, February 4, 2011
Why I Object to the Internet Personality Test that said I was a Man-
So, I recently got an account on tumblr.com because a lot of my friends use tumblr. I think of it as the illegitimate love-child of blogs and facebook (If any of you want to follow me there, the URL is modernhelen.tumblr.com). Anyways, I found an intriguing personality test that seemed pretty legit. There were A LOT of questions.
The results said that I was an "Encouraging Idealist" which sounds a bit odd but basically means that I have a high standard, like routine, value things for function rather than aesthetic appeal and have a high ability to understand and motivate people. This kinda makes some sense a little. But then, I found these two things labelled: Masculinity and Femininity. These were supposedly suppose to measure traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine traits. Here were my scores:
Masculinity: 92
Femininity: 8
AM I A MAN???!!!
What is going on here? I am definitely female. I am not even one of those females who looks like if she tried really hard she could pretend to be a male. I am really short, I have very large...lips...a high degree of contrast between the color of my eyes and lips and my skin color and an awesome waist to hip ratio. I also have a REALLY high pitched voice, especially when I am excited. These are all traditional hallmarks of high estrogen levels, ergo, high degree of femininity.
SO, the answer is that even though I am very feminine externally, I am apparently a man on the inside. I was intrigued. What are these traits that men supposedly have a lock on that I possess?
I googled "Traditional Masculine Traits" and here are some answers:
1) Men have egos that allow them to be competitive and re-evaluate themselves following some kind of loss or failure
2) Men are doers as opposed to listeners; they value efficiency
3) Men assume leadership roles and sacrifice to achieve higher positions
4) Men are self-sufficient and work to overcome adversity
5)Men have sudden expression of emotions followed by calm
6) Men are stoic and keep emotions under control
7) Men are risk-takers
8) Men nurture through listening and then taking action
With the exception of risk-taking, these all do seem to describe me. However, I am skeptical about these being more exclusively masculine traits (with the exception of risk taking: When factoring in relative size and strength, it makes sense for men to be risk-takers as opposed to women). In my experience, women are more likely to be in clubs and initiate action (Student Government, BBB, Student Abolitionists, Greek Life, Literary Journals). Women and men seem to be equally likely to act, listen, do, and be self-sufficient. While I have seen more pettiness and gossip among women, that may be because I spend more time around women. Additionally, the top three most emotionally unstable people that I know are all male. I also think that men and women are about even in ego, but that it tends to express itself in different ways.
In conclusion, stereotypical masculine and feminine traits are a load of crap. Maybe there was relevance earlier on when men and women were forced into specific roles dictated by society. Maybe there is still relevance in parts of the world where women have a different sphere of influence from men. But this is America and a woman should be able to be strong-willed, intelligent, efficient, a doer, a promoter of her own advancement, and self-sufficient without being labelled 'masculine'.
Maybe if we didn't spend so much of our lives pregnant, giving birth, or running after obnoxious children*, this would be more true.
ModernHeleln
* Do not be offended. Unless you have never had children or somehow ended up with creepily perfect children you are well aware that children are obnoxious. Weren't you one once? And you have to admit that the number of women how have had their potential and their lives derailed by children is far higher and to a greater degree than the number of men who have had them same problems. Look at the statistics: even in an egalitarian relationship where husband and wife work and both look after the kid, the wife will spend more time. Its evolution.
See:
http://www.financialexpress.com/news/working-women-spend-more-time-on-chores-and-childcare-than-men/115992/
The results said that I was an "Encouraging Idealist" which sounds a bit odd but basically means that I have a high standard, like routine, value things for function rather than aesthetic appeal and have a high ability to understand and motivate people. This kinda makes some sense a little. But then, I found these two things labelled: Masculinity and Femininity. These were supposedly suppose to measure traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine traits. Here were my scores:
Masculinity: 92
Femininity: 8
AM I A MAN???!!!
What is going on here? I am definitely female. I am not even one of those females who looks like if she tried really hard she could pretend to be a male. I am really short, I have very large...lips...a high degree of contrast between the color of my eyes and lips and my skin color and an awesome waist to hip ratio. I also have a REALLY high pitched voice, especially when I am excited. These are all traditional hallmarks of high estrogen levels, ergo, high degree of femininity.
SO, the answer is that even though I am very feminine externally, I am apparently a man on the inside. I was intrigued. What are these traits that men supposedly have a lock on that I possess?
I googled "Traditional Masculine Traits" and here are some answers:
1) Men have egos that allow them to be competitive and re-evaluate themselves following some kind of loss or failure
2) Men are doers as opposed to listeners; they value efficiency
3) Men assume leadership roles and sacrifice to achieve higher positions
4) Men are self-sufficient and work to overcome adversity
5)Men have sudden expression of emotions followed by calm
6) Men are stoic and keep emotions under control
7) Men are risk-takers
8) Men nurture through listening and then taking action
With the exception of risk-taking, these all do seem to describe me. However, I am skeptical about these being more exclusively masculine traits (with the exception of risk taking: When factoring in relative size and strength, it makes sense for men to be risk-takers as opposed to women). In my experience, women are more likely to be in clubs and initiate action (Student Government, BBB, Student Abolitionists, Greek Life, Literary Journals). Women and men seem to be equally likely to act, listen, do, and be self-sufficient. While I have seen more pettiness and gossip among women, that may be because I spend more time around women. Additionally, the top three most emotionally unstable people that I know are all male. I also think that men and women are about even in ego, but that it tends to express itself in different ways.
In conclusion, stereotypical masculine and feminine traits are a load of crap. Maybe there was relevance earlier on when men and women were forced into specific roles dictated by society. Maybe there is still relevance in parts of the world where women have a different sphere of influence from men. But this is America and a woman should be able to be strong-willed, intelligent, efficient, a doer, a promoter of her own advancement, and self-sufficient without being labelled 'masculine'.
Maybe if we didn't spend so much of our lives pregnant, giving birth, or running after obnoxious children*, this would be more true.
ModernHeleln
* Do not be offended. Unless you have never had children or somehow ended up with creepily perfect children you are well aware that children are obnoxious. Weren't you one once? And you have to admit that the number of women how have had their potential and their lives derailed by children is far higher and to a greater degree than the number of men who have had them same problems. Look at the statistics: even in an egalitarian relationship where husband and wife work and both look after the kid, the wife will spend more time. Its evolution.
See:
http://www.financialexpress.com/news/working-women-spend-more-time-on-chores-and-childcare-than-men/115992/
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Attack of the Snow
The awesomeness of snowdays is awesome.
But, awesomer than snowdays; SNOWWEEK!!!!
Yes, I have been fortunate enough to be caught in the middle of what some people are calling snowmegedon or the snowpocalypse, and the campus has been closed for basically a week. Below, since I am a fan of lists, are some of the pros and cons of Snoweekness.
Pros:
1) No flippin' classes!
2) Extra time to work on papers that are less than satisfactory.
3) Snowball fights!
4) Movies, TV, and Internet FOREVER!!!
5) Vegging out and relaxing.
6) Excuse to eat lots of candy and drink coffee.
7) Lots of time to think about the test I have to take on Monday.
Cons:
1) No classes.
2) Suddenly every single assignment is due on Monday.
3) Snowball fights were painful. You see, the snow is not actually dense enough to pack, so some people, such as the athletes who were very serious about snowball fighting, used water to create ice balls. Or dumped trashcans full of snow on people. Also, tackling was an issue. Ashley was both tackled and tackler multiple times. She has some less than amusing bruises and body aches from that...
4) I have watched far too much TV and my computer is still stuck at the computer repair shop because of the snowapocalypse.
5) Cabin Fever is setting in...
6) The Caf is serving annoying food and I AM ALMOST OUT OF MILK!!!
7) Lots of time to think about the test I have to take on Monday.
Basically, I wanna go back to school and I hope that it doesn't snow on Sunday or Monday leading to MORE SNOWMEGEDON.
ModernHelen
But, awesomer than snowdays; SNOWWEEK!!!!
Yes, I have been fortunate enough to be caught in the middle of what some people are calling snowmegedon or the snowpocalypse, and the campus has been closed for basically a week. Below, since I am a fan of lists, are some of the pros and cons of Snoweekness.
Pros:
1) No flippin' classes!
2) Extra time to work on papers that are less than satisfactory.
3) Snowball fights!
4) Movies, TV, and Internet FOREVER!!!
5) Vegging out and relaxing.
6) Excuse to eat lots of candy and drink coffee.
7) Lots of time to think about the test I have to take on Monday.
Cons:
1) No classes.
2) Suddenly every single assignment is due on Monday.
3) Snowball fights were painful. You see, the snow is not actually dense enough to pack, so some people, such as the athletes who were very serious about snowball fighting, used water to create ice balls. Or dumped trashcans full of snow on people. Also, tackling was an issue. Ashley was both tackled and tackler multiple times. She has some less than amusing bruises and body aches from that...
4) I have watched far too much TV and my computer is still stuck at the computer repair shop because of the snowapocalypse.
5) Cabin Fever is setting in...
6) The Caf is serving annoying food and I AM ALMOST OUT OF MILK!!!
7) Lots of time to think about the test I have to take on Monday.
Basically, I wanna go back to school and I hope that it doesn't snow on Sunday or Monday leading to MORE SNOWMEGEDON.
ModernHelen
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