For those of you who have no idea what Muzzy is, I feel sorry for you. Your parents obviously never loved you enough to desire to make you bilingual. Let me explain Muzzy. Muzzy was a strange strange cartoon that has videos, tapes, computer games, and positive moral values. The dialogue could be in Spanish, German, French, or English, and there was a vague storyline that was interspersed with random lessons about whatever language you were supposed to be watching. Most of the time these lessons were sung.
The main characters were:
A Princess named Sylvia. She introduced herself saying: "I'm Slyvia and I'm pretty". I think she iceskated...
A Gardener named Bob. He introduced himself saying: "I'm Bob the gardener. I'm in love with Princess Slyvia" He had a red hat that I desire to destroy...
A King and a Queen, who were Sylvias parents and basically disapproved of everything.
Corvax, some kind of evil clever guy who I think probably kidnapped Sylvia at some point. He looked like a green vampire and introduced himself by saying, "I'm Corvax and I'm clever". I think that it is important to note that not all clever people are evil as this cartoon would have you believe.
And Muzzy, an alien from outer space who liked to eat clocks.That was how he introduced himself: "I'm Muzzy and I like to eat clocks"
I still remember how all of those terrible characters introduced themselves. It is brain space that I will never get back. Of course, I don't remember any German as was the intention....
The intent was to make the stupefied children watching it intelligent. I imagine that is is supposed to go something like this:
Smallchild: I am an American and therefore I know no other languages! I am going to grow up with limited mental capacities due to the limitations of only being able to think in ONE FREAKING LANGUAGE!
Muzzysalesman: Don't you love your poor Smallchild?
LovingParent: DEAR GOD YES!! I LOVE THAT LITTLE DICKENS!
Muzzysalesman: Well then, you had better buy this instructional thingy-dookikey to keep your child from failling at life.
LovingParent: OH MY GOD! If my child fails at life, then I won't be able to live vicariously through her! I 'll have to pressure her into dropping out of college to give me grandbabies so that I can live vicariously through them! I MUST HAVE MUZZY!!!
Smallchild: ???
LovingParent: Watch this Muzzy! Muzzy will let you succeed!! I AM PRESSURING YOU TO SUCCEED!!
Smallchild: Fiiiiine.
So... now I bet that you think that the small child is going to grow up to be a proficient and bilingual member of society right? WRONG. The small child will simply play the computer games and watch the English version of Muzzy. She will keep repeating lines from the bizarre script and playing the computer games. But she will do all of it in English.
*Two months later*
SmallChild: MY NAME IS MUZZY AND I LIKE TO EAT CLOCKS!!!!
LovingParent: Sweetie?! Could you say that in German?
Smallchild: NO!!! NO!! NO!!! NO!!!
LovingParent: Please??!!
SmallChild: CLOCKS CLOCKS CLOCKS Muzzy EATS CLOCKS!!!
So... basically Muzzy has joined the long list of vague visual stimuli that skitter maddenly around my childhood memory and make me certain that I was pretty crazy back then. I really don't think that children should be allowed to watch cartoons even if it is supposed to help them succeed...
ModernHelen
Ps: Props to Claire for instantly knowing what I was talking about! Apparently she went to a magnet school for languages where the children are pressure by Lovingparents AND Teachers to succeed.
Oh the horror.
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