Dear Universe Part 2

 I told you I would eventually start adding additional parts on to my posts labelled part 1! I bet you didn't believe me did you?

Well, shame on you. Shame on all of you.

I was going to write about the Order of St. Benedict and why I would fail at being a Benedictine Monk, but something came up that I must discuss, so you will all have to wait for that awesome post that may or may not be illustrated.

Dear creators of the spy ware program that my have taken over my laptop,

I hate you with the passionate vengeance of seriously pissed of scorpions. The tiny small scorpions that are the most deadly and crawl in your shoes and sting you until your feet swell and fall off. Those scorpions. I do not have money just sitting around in a pile to use to fix my computer or buy a new one. I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT!!! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STEAL ANYTHING FROM ME?? I HAVE NOTHING!! Go attack Bill Gates! Of course, that would be difficult...

I also love the fact that this thing that you malicious punks have created keeps trying to pull up adult sites on my laptop. May the wrath of the Old Testament God shine down upon you with the burning beams of ten thousand suns that burn you to crisps! May a thousand dervishes and devils sweep your ashes to the four corners of the earth!

You people better pray that I do not get my hands on you. I have about twenty papers to write this semester and I would LIKE to have A FREAKING COMPUTER to do so. I am a tiny bit sick, I am cold, and I am stressed. Everything was under control until you idiots did this. I am in a seriously angry mood. I will release my velociraptor minions upon you. I will create Skynet so that the terminators come and get you! May you find no haven on land or water! May your children realize what losers you are and turn you over to the authorities! May attack dogs find you irresistible!

Sincerely,
modernHelen

ps: I really really mean it. People who create viruses and spyware are in a very very bad place in my book.



Dear scorpions,

I am sorry if I offended you. I am aware that you do not sting people and cause their feet to fall off. As far as I know. Please do not come for me in the night.

Sincerely,
modernHelen



Dear Old Testament God,

I understand if you are too busy to smite my enemies. Please consider it a friendly suggestion.

Sincerely,
modernHelen


Dear velociraptor minions,

I will totally create you using the awesomeness of evo-devo someday.

Sincerely,
modernHelen

On that lighter note, so ends my rage...

Sing to me, Muse, the rage of ModernHelen
Murderous, justified,
That sent so many ignoble souls down to Hades...

Okay, so maybe my rage isn't ended. Sue me

ModernHelen